Taboo: How to Talk About Assisted Living with a Parent
It’s a conversation everyone dreads. In today’s society, seniors are more independent then they ever have been before. Moving out of one’s home into an assisted living facility symbolizes to many seniors a monumental loss of independence. In fact, most seniors don’t initiate the conversation about an assisted living community. Many seniors won’t go willingly unless they are absolutely unable to live independently.
Courtesy: Flickr's nouQraz
Not surprisingly, friends and relatives of seniors in need of assisted care are very hesitant to bring up this touchy subject. Some children say that they are more comfortable talking about death with their parents than suggesting that they consider an assisted living home. However, as tough as it is to talk about, it’s important to break the ice as early as possible.
Change is disconcerting, especially as we age. It is important that you and your parent are on the same page when it comes to their future housing and care. Assisted living isn’t the only option. For most of human history, the elderly lived with their relatives. However, this isn’t always possible or even desirable. The last thing you want to do is surprise your parent just as their health starts to deteriorate.
To prevent this, you want to start the conversation early and tour some assisted living facilities in your local area. Assisted living homes are more than happy to give you a pressure-free tour — even if you’re just exploring the option. Touring the actual homes together with the potential resident reduces uncertainty and helps you better ascertain whether an assisted living environment is appropriate at the time.
Respect your parent’s feelings, but don’t be afraid to express yourself. Your parent has lived longer than you and has lots of life experience. Moreover, this is a big life-altering decision. Nonetheless, it’s your responsibility to encourage your parent to make the decision that is in their, and your, best interest. The right decision often isn’t the easiest one.
Don’t be surprised if your loved one agrees that they should go but grumbles or guilt trips you. Don’t back down or be bashful about your feelings and convictions. Aging is hard not only parents, but on their children. Do your best to make the right decision, and stick to your guns. Of course, you can’t, and shouldn’t, force an independent person to leave their home against their will. But, it is your responsibility, especially if age has diminished your parent’s mental or emotional capacities, to help them make the best decision, even if it is difficult.
Unfortunately, there are no secrets to make the conversation about assisted living easy. If you have siblings, get them involved. Make sure you are on the same page so that your parents don’t get conflicting advice. If possible, talk to your parents with your siblings present. Never use the topic to gain favor with your parents at the expense of another sibling.
Ultimately, it’s a conversation that has to happen: the sooner the better for everyone involved. Think about the best interests of your parent, be confident and respectful, involve your siblings and hope for the best. Good luck!